Monday, November 1, 2010

Non political ads that will never air

Picture an election season where negative ads didn’t exist, where candidates spoke of their own positive accomplishments, not sling mud at their opponent.

Forget it, it’s only a dream.

Now, picture businesses using the same tactics candidates use.

This ad slams an opposing pet care business:

“Little puppies have little chance at Patti’s Pet Care. The employees use the dogs for target practice during deer-hunting season. If they can hit the small pets, the shooters will have a much better chance to hit the deer. At Don’s Dog Center, we treat all animals with loving care. We don’t allow guns within 100 feet of our business. Now who do you trust, a pet center that uses dogs as target practice, or a shop that treats all animals with loving care? We think the choice is clear. Come in today where pets are treated like humans, maybe better. This ad was paid for by People against Guns but love Pets, Don Greyhound, chairman.”

Or what about this ad for a car dealership?

“Albert’s Auto Store has been around for 60 years. And in those six decades, the dealership has been sued more than 6,000 times. Albert and his car salesmen can’t be trusted to sell you a safe car. They sell cars that break down after two days. But there is a better way. At Chuck’s Car Lot we sell nothing but great new cars that last at least 500,000 miles. And if something ever goes wrong, we will pay you $230,000. You have our word on it. The ad was paid for People who will believe anything, George Gullible, chairman.”

These ads would never air because they are completely false. Lawsuits would be aplenty within minutes after they first aired.

So the moral of the story: Listen to the candidates ads, but believe at your own risk.

By the way, I have land for sale for only $2.50 an acre. Call 1-800-U-SUCKER if interested.

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